Which woman?

1:One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
 most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
　　My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
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2:A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!
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                                            Two Lines In Heaven

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the men
that were whipped was 100 miles long,
and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him! Tell them, my son,
how did you manage to be the only one on that line?"

The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

世上的每一个人都上了天堂 神说 :
" 要男人分成两队 , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,
另一是被女人鞭打的男人 .
另外女子自成一队 , 跟着圣彼德去 ."

队伍列好后 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,
有 100 英里长 , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,
仅有一人 .

神生气的说 :" 你们男人应该感到羞耻 ,
我按照自己的形象创造了你们 ,
而你们被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的儿子 ,
站着使我骄傲 . 你们应该向他学习 .
告诉他们 , 儿子 ,
你如何成为唯一站在这一队上的 ?"
这男子回说 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在这的 !"
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Secret For a Long Life

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."

长寿秘诀

一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。
“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？”
“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”
“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”
“二十六。”
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