Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

I work for 7up

I work for 7up"! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

Will and Bill

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.

Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."

Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"

维尔和比尔在斗嘴，争论谁的爸爸更强壮。

维尔说：“喂，你知道太平洋吧？那个坑就是我爸爸挖开的。”

比尔无动于衷：“嗨，那算什么。你知道死海吧？那就是我爸爸打死的！”

Which woman?

1:One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
 most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
　　My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
**********************************************************************************
2:A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!
**********************************************************************************
                                            Two Lines In Heaven

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the men
that were whipped was 100 miles long,
and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him! Tell them, my son,
how did you manage to be the only one on that line?"

The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

世上的每一个人都上了天堂 神说 :
" 要男人分成两队 , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,
另一是被女人鞭打的男人 .
另外女子自成一队 , 跟着圣彼德去 ."

队伍列好后 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,
有 100 英里长 , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,
仅有一人 .

神生气的说 :" 你们男人应该感到羞耻 ,
我按照自己的形象创造了你们 ,
而你们被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的儿子 ,
站着使我骄傲 . 你们应该向他学习 .
告诉他们 , 儿子 ,
你如何成为唯一站在这一队上的 ?"
这男子回说 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在这的 !"
********************************************************************************

Secret For a Long Life

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."

长寿秘诀

一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。
“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？”
“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”
“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”
“二十六。”
********************************************************************************

Passion indulged in MAY

 Hi Guy's !
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I promise you will not be disappointed

1.Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
可能神要我们在遇到对的人之前先遇上一些错的人，这样当我们遇到生命中真正的人的时候就会更懂得珍惜和感激。
2.There‘s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
这个世界永远都会有一些伤害你的人，你要做的就是继续去信人和小心你下次信的人。
3.To the world ，you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
对于世界来说，你可能只是一个人；但對某个人来说，你可能就是全世界。
4. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
　　爱一个人不是因为他(她)是谁，重要的是和他(她)在一起有感觉。
5.Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
　　即使情绪很低落，也不要皱眉，想想爱你的人是如何着迷与你的笑容。
6.If love is a mountain, then if men go up, more women they will see while women will see fewer men. 
如果爱情像座山，那么男人越往上走可以俯视的女人就越多，而女人越往上走可以仰视的男人就越少。
7.Never expect the perfect man, 
it’s not because that you cannot find, but just because there is no perfect man.   
不要期待完美的男人，不是因为你期待不到，而是根本没有完美的男人。
8.Love is an impossible meeting.   
For example, I am a bird flying in sky, you are a leopard in forest. We just fall in love accidentally.   
缘分是不可能的相遇。比如我是空中的鸟，你是林中的豹，只是我们碰巧相爱。
9.Why to ask so much when you are in love?   
The mature never ask the past,   

the wise never ask the present   
and the open-minded never ask the future.   
爱，又何必多问？成熟的人不问过去，聪明的人不问现在，豁达的人不问未来。
10.If you leave me, please don’t comfort me   
because each sewing has to meet stinging pain. 
离开我就别安慰我，要知道每一次缝补也会遭遇穿刺的痛。
============my love============

我的爱情犹如青草， 

藏在深山。 
它郁郁葱葱， 
却无人知晓。 
My love is like the grasses 
Hidden in the deep mountains. 
Though its abundance increase, 
There is none that knows. 

我一直孤独入眠， 
睡梦中你出现在我的眼前， 
我要亲吻你，我的爱人， 
今夜我就要亲吻你。 
I have been sleeping all alone, 
You have been staring in my dreams. 
I want to kiss you, my baby, 
I want to kiss you tonight. 

我的爱人， 
你就像一朵鲜花， 
那么甜蜜、纯洁而秀雅。 
My love, 
You are like a flower, 
So sweet and pure and fair. 

我简直不敢相信，爱你是如此地美好。 
我不敢相信你也有如此感觉。 
我现在才明白吻原是那么甜蜜， 
就像夏日的阳光， 
包含着你对我的柔情蜜意。 
I just can’t believe the loveliness of loving you. 
I just can’t believe the one to love this feeling, too. 
I now know how sweet a kiss could be. 
Like the summer sunshine, 
Your sweetness over me. 

我这一生要做的一件事情， 
绝对要做的一件事情，那就是： 

爱你，想你，追求你，直到死。 
I shall do one thing in this life, 
One thing certain, that is: 
Love you, Long for you, 
And keep wanting you till I die. 

哦！我的爱，亲爱的， 
我渴望你的抚摸已经好久了。 
而时光难熬，它能改变许多事， 
你还是我的吗？ 
我需要你的爱。 
愿上帝赐给我你的爱。 
Oh, my love, my darling, 
I have hungered for you touch a long time. 
And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. 
Are you still mine? 
I need your love, 
God speed your love to me. 

我多想做你时刻思念的人， 
你倾诉梦想的人， 
与你同甘共苦的人， 
我总想做你所爱的人。 
I love to be the one you always think of, 
The one you share the joys and hardships with, 
I’ll always love to be the one you love. 

我的目光就是你窗前的星星， 
每夜都在深情地注视着你。 
My eyes are the stars over your window, 
Gazing affectionately at you every night. 

hahaha

A gang decided to rob a bank,they opened every vault and found no money,only cups of yogurt.they ate all yogurt.
next day, in cnn news: "biggest sperm bank robbed!